December 20, 2022

Hello Readers!

Most of us here are over 50, and some of us are much older! We have come to an age where many of us have the time, or are creating it, to savor the present, to indulge in pleasures large and small. We may be spending less time working and fewer hours caring for others, and so we have more time for pleasure.

Happiness and pleasure, though related, are not identical. Pleasure, I would say, usually comes from the senses, while happiness is grander and more elusive. Pleasure can be over in seconds: you smell the intoxicating lilac blossom and move on. Happiness lasts longer and takes longer to build. Happiness is often connected to the realization of long-term goals: a fulfilling career, loving children, glowing health. Pleasure is a kiss on the neck, a bite of marzipan, a glass of wine.

So what is the pleasure principle? The term comes from Freud and refers to an instinctive seeking of pleasure (and avoidance of pain). Given two possibilities, one which gives pleasure (sunshine) and one that does not (shadow), a person instinctively gravitates toward the first. On a spring or autumn day, you walk on the sunny side of the street.

At a party, the pleasure principle leads you to the circle, or its periphery, of people who are laughing.

Freud thought of humans as having a pleasure-driven id (the most basic self), a constraining super-ego (often dictated by society), and an ego which mediates between the two. A lot of Freud (the interpretation of dreams, clitoral v. vaginal orgasms, the Oedipus complex) now seems like hogwash to me, but not his classic model of the id, the ego and the superego.

It is common knowledge that older people care less about what others think than they did when they were young. It is curiously freeing not to worry much about what the neighbors or the in-laws might say. Perhaps the superego just diminishes in later life. When an older woman scolds a sales associate, “You’re a pretty girl, but you should smile more!” (as my mother once did), some will say, “No boundaries!” I just think, “A weakened superego.” According to Freud, this leaves more power to the pleasure-seeking id!

So this is our time to savor the senses, to turn up the volume on that Bach concerto, to buy fresh dill for your salmon, to wear perfume even if you’re spending the day alone, to buy that supremely soft cashmere sweater (perhaps from the thrift shop). If not now, when?

Savoring the moment, enjoying simple pleasures in the here and now, may not be heroic or all you need to be happy. But small delights contribute to overall satisfaction and a sunny disposition, and the pleasure principle makes us ferret them out!

Random Tip:

Next time you buy or pick flowers, remove one from the bunch, place it in a narrow vase, and put it in your bathroom. There is something luxurious about one fresh flower on the bathroom sink or on the toilet tank, and you will notice it with delight each time you enter the room!

Until next time, enjoy your age!

Catherine

The Pleasure Principle

The Pleasure Principle Explained