Thanks for this other perspective on "purpose." And on compliments on dinner! I get that, I'm with your mom. I want more than "very good," I want, "The sauce is especially rich. Did you use shallots or onions?"
One of the bigger surprises in my work with the elderly was the positive response of terminally ill patients going on hospice. No more heroic measures. They were now free to pursue whatever small pleasures they could enjoy while they were kept comfortable. In some cases, their physical and mental status actually improved!
I had an older friend who had lived with Diabetes from childhood. When he went into hospice, his caretakers said that he could have as much ice cream as he wanted - for the first time in his long life. He was THRILLED!
Yes, yes, yes! My mother is 102--and a half! Just overcame her second bout with COVID, loves ice cream, listening to Gilbert&Sullivan, being read Wordsworth and Shakespeare. There's no memory (kind of a plus for me) but I'm so glad she's enjoying herself.
My mother's mental decline lasted nine years from the age of 80 when she fell in the street. I believe that those last nine years did have a purpose, even though she was not aware of it. Her purpose was essentially the same as it always had been since I was born, which was to be there for me and my sister. Jesus Christ said 'my service is perfect freedom' - and my mother embodied this. She found her purpose in being a mother, with all that this means, right up until her death. She and my father were my role models. This does not mean she was selfless. Being an only child in the midst of Hitler and his war meant something special in terms of being self-centered. She always needed fulsome compliments for her cooking for example. This fault, such as it is, seems so minor now, though it wasn't when I was a teenager. When all is said and done, my sister and I were at the center of her self.
Catherine, I so appreciate the sentiments in this post as I'm helping the elderly people in my life navigate their final years. Many people (especially women!) go their whole lives feeling guilty about any kind of pleasure, and I've learned a lot from watching older people let go of all that. Inspiring!
Beautifully and sensitively written!
Thanks for this other perspective on "purpose." And on compliments on dinner! I get that, I'm with your mom. I want more than "very good," I want, "The sauce is especially rich. Did you use shallots or onions?"
Thank you.
One of the bigger surprises in my work with the elderly was the positive response of terminally ill patients going on hospice. No more heroic measures. They were now free to pursue whatever small pleasures they could enjoy while they were kept comfortable. In some cases, their physical and mental status actually improved!
This is fascinating, the idea that hospice confers a kind of peace. And hospice can last many months—just ask Jimmy Carter!
I had an older friend who had lived with Diabetes from childhood. When he went into hospice, his caretakers said that he could have as much ice cream as he wanted - for the first time in his long life. He was THRILLED!
Beautiful and true.
Yes, yes, yes! My mother is 102--and a half! Just overcame her second bout with COVID, loves ice cream, listening to Gilbert&Sullivan, being read Wordsworth and Shakespeare. There's no memory (kind of a plus for me) but I'm so glad she's enjoying herself.
Me, too. We are lucky. Some people with dementia are angry or sad. But not our mothers!
My mother's mental decline lasted nine years from the age of 80 when she fell in the street. I believe that those last nine years did have a purpose, even though she was not aware of it. Her purpose was essentially the same as it always had been since I was born, which was to be there for me and my sister. Jesus Christ said 'my service is perfect freedom' - and my mother embodied this. She found her purpose in being a mother, with all that this means, right up until her death. She and my father were my role models. This does not mean she was selfless. Being an only child in the midst of Hitler and his war meant something special in terms of being self-centered. She always needed fulsome compliments for her cooking for example. This fault, such as it is, seems so minor now, though it wasn't when I was a teenager. When all is said and done, my sister and I were at the center of her self.
Catherine, I so appreciate the sentiments in this post as I'm helping the elderly people in my life navigate their final years. Many people (especially women!) go their whole lives feeling guilty about any kind of pleasure, and I've learned a lot from watching older people let go of all that. Inspiring!
A deep thank you for this, Alicia. I always hope my writing will give joy and somehow be useful.
this was very moving. Food for thought here. Some thing I'm going through. Thanks so much.
I am so happy to hear this, glad to help in any small way.