Damsel in De-Stress

One of the great joys of the stay-at-home life—be it as a mother, a writer or a retiree—is it has fewer of the usual stressors. Those of us who spend our time at home—and this now includes legions of remote workers—are not worried about being late for work. We’re not especially concerned about getting along with our boss or bonding with our colleagues. (My novel The Feud is about a workplace friendship that turns deadly.) Though our days may be long, especially with small children, to a large extent our schedules are fluid, not fixed. We can move at our own pace.

For eleven years I had a fulltime job with a medical publishing company. The rest of my life, since graduate school, I’ve been largely at home, raising children and writing books. When I’m asked if I’m retired, I say, “Writers never retire—or have always, in a way, been retired.” I mean, if they’re lucky, they’re living mainly free from stultifying schedules.

Anxiety about time is a major life stressor, right there after health and money. Will I get there on time? Graduate on time? Have a baby before turning 40?

It’s an unacknowledged pleasure to live a life without time pressure. This is the life many of us have in retirement.

Of course there are always some deadlines: monthly bills to pay, taxes to calculate, professional assignments to complete. There’s the occasional doctor’s visit. There are zoom meetings to attend at a specific time—but who needs to turn on the camera? A life where time constraints are few is a life of minimum stress.

As I try to minimize what stressors I can control, I’ve begun to leave for trains and appointments much earlier than I used to. I’d rather wait outdoors on a bench for 10 minutes than worry about missing the train. I’d rather read for an extra hour waiting for my flight than agonize about the traffic on the way to the airport.

Some of you may remember that about a year and a half ago, I was talking about getting a new automobile.

https://catherinehiller.substack.com/p/the-beach-car

I had come into some money, and every man I knew (except my husband, who knows me best) insisted that a new car was what I needed. After all, my car was a 2012 model, and it now displayed some nicks and dings. And although it got excellent gas mileage, surely I needed to buy an electric vehicle for the good of the environment.

I wasn’t so sure about that. People I knew with electric vehicles were often worried about where they’d charge their cars and how long it would take. Range anxiety seems like a whole new form of stress, which I was trying to minimize. So I’d be likelier to buy another hybrid.

But cars have changed a lot in the last dozen years, and to my mind these are changes for the worse. What’s the advantage of having no key? I once borrowed a keyless car. The owner turned it on and made some adjustments. I then drove 50 miles . . . without the key fob. He had to find another car and meet me to give me the fob that he had somehow pocketed. This could never happen in a normal car, one which requires a key!

Newer cars also have absurdly large display screens. When we travel and rent a car, I am always distracted by the vivid bright box seemingly obscuring some of the windshield. And buying a new car would mean learning to operate all of its controls. I would surely be washing the windshield when I meant to be turning on the headlights.

Most of all, I would worry about owning a new car. When I think about driving it back from the dealership the first day, I feel no joy, only tension. A new car would bring me more stress.

As I write this, my sons, home for the holidays, are in my good old car, which they have borrowed to see a piece of immersive theater in Manhattan. Do I stress out about something happening to the car? I do not. Would I have nonchalantly handed over the keys if I had bought the EV Mustang I was seriously considering . . . once? I don’t think so.

Besides, my car’s model name is irresistible to me. How could I ever relinquish my beloved Honda Insight?

Hammock Photo by Unsplash for Getty Images