Pleasure in Danger

. . . or Averting It

It’s been mostly sweet and light here at the Pleasure Principle, but today (trigger warning!) we’re going darker. Because the things that “should” give you pleasure sometimes don’t and the things that “shouldn’t” give you pleasure sometimes do.

And a little danger adds intensity to many things. Sometimes it’s just danger averted. After skiing down an icy slope, I am thrilled to be alive. At the ocean beach, after getting caught in a wave and pounded in the “washing machine,” I end up sprawled upon the sand, exultant. After a winter kayak accident, I had to swim in cold water and crawl up the boat ramp to get out, and wow, the rush when I stood up!

It may have to do with adrenaline, which danger causes to course through you. Adrenaline feels good. Adrenaline also flows when one falls in love. Love/danger/psychosexual confusion!

Some of my new novel, Cybill Unbound (Pub date: Feb. 14, 2023) deals with this:

“Much of their sex was laced with the possibility of danger, physical and emotional. He would gaze into her eyes and say, ‘I love you, Cybill. Sweetie.’ The intensity of their connection left her hollow later. After their encounters, it took her days to recover.”

and

“It didn’t make sense that the chance of danger should be arousing. People procreating are defenseless: you’d think that safety would be needed for arousal to take place. This was not, apparently, the case.”

(My adventsome heroine Cybill is sometimes philosophical.)

Soft cuffs for restraint, which some people find exciting

Sometimes the suggestion of danger, rather than actual danger or pain, adds a thrilling element to an intimate encounter. Some people, especially those who usually control others, like to be restrained.

Alas, emotional danger is also often a lure. People who may or may not call you back seem more intriguing just because they are unpredictable. Life would be easier if we weren’t so excited by uncertainty, and uncertainty fuels obsession. The real danger here is getting caught up in a passion that has little to do with the object of your desire and everything to do with you.

Sometimes the danger is the possibility of being caught. A situation may be thrilling just because you might be seen with the wrong person.

Sometimes a dangerous person is a challenge. The posters outside gentlemen’s clubs feature women who look sullen or angry. An angry woman is unpredictable, dangerous. Worth conquering.

Danger doesn’t add spice to every pleasure, such as (speaking of spice!) cooking and eating.  Burning one’s hand on a hot pot does not add piquancy to the occasion. We don’t enjoy taking a nap if we are worried about burglars. Driving isn’t more fun in the fog.

But danger, or perhaps inconsistency, causes us to be more alert, and unpredictability causes us to focus more closely. Not only us, but dogs! The best way to train a dog is not to give him a treat every time he performs a trick but to do it most of the time. Apparently, intermittent positive reinforcement works best.

A life without any danger at all may be flat. Sometimes you need the valleys so you can have the peaks.