Who doesn’t like a compliment? Compliments are pleasing and validating. When someone gives us a compliment, we feel seen and appreciated. It is balm on our soul. We glow a little. We’ll probably repeat it later on: to someone else, perhaps, and surely to ourselves. And we can’t help feeling happy about the person who has seen and acknowledged this good thing about us.
Given how potent praise can be, it’s remarkable how little it’s used, especially in the business world. Being appreciated helps workers bond with the organization and strive harder. Some studies indicate that most workers would rather be recognized for their good work than get a salary increase. As praise is cheap, and businesses are always trying to cut costs, one would think a culture of compliments would prevail at the workplace, but this is not often the case.
Management consultant firms now encourage the development of “employee recognition programs.” This goes well beyond a pat on the back and a hasty “nice job.” Among the recommendations are thank you notes, employee recognition spotlights (“employee of the month”), wellness awards, and employee experience programs.
According to Quantum Workforce, organizations with formal employee recognition programs have 31% less voluntary turnover than businesses that do not. There is a growing emphasis among workers on aspects that improve their job satisfaction beyond just the financial rewards. Flexibility is one such aspect; being appreciated is another.
But you don’t need a management study to see how important it is to be praised by your boss. You want to please a person who appreciates you, and if that person is your boss, you will probably work harder and stay at the job longer if the boss is generous, rather than stingy, with their compliments.
Responding to a Compliment
“Thank you” always works! But if you’re feeling sociable and want to prolong the encounter, you can always make a self-deprecating joke. When I get compliments on my red cowboy boots, I’m likely to say, “Thank you! It took only a month for them to get comfortable.” This can lead to a lively conversation about style v. comfort, etc.
Never disparage what is being praised! “Great dress!” “This old rag?” No! That scolds the person who praised it. You can, perhaps, say, “It’s held up pretty well . . . considering I bought it in 1995!”
Giving a Compliment
Often a compliment happens at the beginning of an encounter, on first meeting somebody after a while. Someone will say, “You look great” and the other person will say, “So do you.” Because . . . well, what else can you say?
After that, you can go from the general to the specific: “I love how you’re wearing your hair.” You can go from the specific to the general: “I adore those earrings. You always look so elegant.”
“You always. . .” signals an excellent compliment: not about just one time, but generally. Similarly, it’s wonderful to hear: “You’re such a great host!” and “You’re such a good cook.”
Cooks should always be complimented because of the effort they expend. I hope my guests will be both general and specific when they praise the food at my table: “What a terrific breakfast! And what a perfect omelet.” Even at Thanksgiving, when everything is tasty, it’s nice when someone singles out the stuffing for particular notice.
We should all be more liberal with our compliments, with our friends and with our families.
Perhaps the most delicious compliments are the wholly unexpected ones: when the beauty is praised for her insight or the professor for his physical grace. These compliments are especially thrilling to get . . . and to give.
Just watch the complimentee smile incredulously.
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What? No compliments?
Oh... indeed, Cathy... a wonderful read... (o:
and...when you see (((((o: it means many smiles in one... t